This was the conversation between David and I as we fell asleep last night.
David: What are your plans for tomorrow?
Me: Laundry, shower and not get pooped, peed or puked on. (FYI, I hadn't been able to accomplish any of those things that day. Yeah.)
David: Those are quite the goals.
Me: Some days, you just have to focus on winning the little battles. (or something profound to that effect... I was about to pass out from shear exhaustion, so memory capability for words of wisdom was a bit diminished.)
I was thinking about that conversation today. So far I have been able to shower (did it after Ben's 5:30am feeding because I knew I wouldn't get another chance until at least 2pm, if at all) and I got the laundry halfway done. I've avoided the bodily fluids, but it's only noon so I'm not crossing that one off the list yet.
Comparing child-rearing with battles and wars is a pretty accurate analogy if you ask me. And I'm not just talking about things like a writing instrument becoming a WMD when in the hands of an unsupervised toddler. Raising kids is tough! It isn't like I thought it would be a piece of cake before, nor do I think it is going to get any easier as they get older (probably worse) but I just never realized that almost every day would be a battle.
Now, maybe ya'll are better moms, dads, aunties or friends, but I find it really difficult to be patient with my toddler. Josh has a temper and can be a real drama king. And he screams worse than any little girl I've ever been around. It's that high pitched, ear-piercing scream that drives me the most insane, though the wall/door kicking comes in close second. No, that isn't quite truthful. Not only does it drive me insane, it also makes me angry. I tell myself it would be better if we were in a house, because I'm always worrying about the neighbors getting upset with us, or Josh actually doing damage to the walls or doors so we don't get our security deposit back. I'd like to hope that if we were in a house, that I would be more patient when he's throwing a huge fit, kicking everything in his bedroom when he goes into a timeout and screaming at the top of his lungs.
We've been fighting this battle for a while and Ben's arrival compounded the problem. I know I'm doing a lot of things right (according to his speech therapist, who has kind of become my therapist as well) but some days I have to go shut myself in my room and just let the boys scream it out in the living room lest I spank the living daylights out of Josh.
(Funny side note here about Josh being such a drama king.) Josh will launch into hysterics at the slightest thing. One of those things is us showing that we're mad at him with a frown on our face. The other day there was a newspaper subscription salesman at the door. David was trying to politely decline, but the guy was annoyingly persistent. I kid you not, one of his arguments on why we should get a paper subscription was "just to help him out." David is too kind to just shut the door on his face so I made a frowny face at Josh, who was standing by David's legs. Like clockwork Josh started screaming, providing an excellent reason for David to say goodbye and close the door. In my defense, Josh was trying to escape out the open door, so there was a good reason for me to frown at him.
So what was the point of this whole post? Oh yes, battles and wars. I believe that there are forces of good and evil in this world. There are forces out there that would love to see our family fail. If you haven't read The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, I recommend them. I can see my own little demon cackling with delight when I let my temper go and yell at Josh. His hands rubbing together with glee when I break down crying because I can't handle the screaming. He whispers in my ear that I'm a terrible mother and that my kids will grow up to be bad people because of the mistakes I'm making now.
That's why I have to celebrate victories in these little, everyday battles. The war to raise my children to be happy, self-reliant, productive members of society is a rough one. The war to keep my faith, happiness and self-worth during that process might be even tougher. So when I can get the laundry done or go an entire day without raising my voice, that is a battle won. A success. I tell myself I am a successful mother.
Begone, Screwtape. You have no power here.
6 comments:
I loved your post!!! I comepletely know what you mean...Given-Tara doesn't really scream at the top of her lungs, or kick things yet. But I struggle every day with trying not to lose my patience with her; and the times I do, the guilt sets in right away. It's pretty overwhelming, wondering if I'm screwing her up; or damaging her self-confidence, or breaking her little spirit. Ugh...I don't know-maybe I'm doing more okay than I think. I just wish we as moms could somehow get a preview of the end product; our children all grown up, and see how they turned out. If they turned out well, continue doing what we're doing. If not, make adjustments and do better. Crystal ball-where are you?
Lauren! I am totally going through the same thing! Bella has been BEYOND awful! I've wondered a time or two if she is possessed because she wasn't behaving like my sweet little Bella. I've cried, I've yelled, I've lost my temper with her, yes and I hate myself for it. She has really been on one for the last couple of weeks. And I totally agree, there are forces out there that would love to see my family fail . . . but it won't happen, no matter how full of flaws I am.
You are successful and you perked me up too. My battles are really different from yours and I really dont' know if I could handle what you do every day but it is nice to think "here is one thing I did today." I got dressed professionally for my meeting and asked a good question that everyone else said "what a good question, i wanted to ask that." Good job me. I put on a bra and said one sentence that mattered today. Battle won. Begone Wormwood!
You're not along, Momma. Caleb was a really bad temper tantrum-er, too. It was REALLY, REALLY rough - and half of that toddler time was with Jake gone doing basic training and stuff for the Air Force. Yea, single-momhood. :S I feel ya, girl. Hang in there and continue giving yourself time outs when necessary. I did the exact same thing. Heck, I STILL have to tell the kids to leave me alone before I explode sometimes. Hang in there. It actually does get better in that respect. Stick with it and Josh will get the idea that tantrums do not equal getting what we want. Except when we want to get rid of salespeople. ;)
I loved your post. I'm surprised every day about how hard this mommy thing is. I love Gunner, but he is such a handful, and I often wonder what I did to deserve him. I have a hard time not comparing him to other kids, or wishing that he were like my other friends' "chill" little boys, or not feeling like everyone is judging me or him because of his behavior. I have to remind myself on a daily basis of the things that I love about him and that other people's opinions don't matter. And I appreciate the reminder to focus on the small victories. I'm going to need that so much in the next few months now that we have our second little baby. Thanks for the post.
Wow! Delson is totally going through that same crazy tantrum screaming faze right now. He has been super naughty. And I know sometimes I go crazy too with the spankings. You are not alone. And the kicking the wall drives me nuts as well. I think putting them in their rooms and letting them scream it out for a while so that you can have a few minutes to gather yourself is totally worth it. You have to do it. I love your successes. I think it is important for every Mom to realize this....so thank you for posting it.
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