Please forgive me, but I can't help but jump on the trendy bandwagon and blog about all the hoopla surrounding more and more businesses banning children. I do this because I haven't seen the issue addressed yet coming from the perspective of parents of kids who need extra help developmentally.
Frankly, I could care less if privately-owned establishments banned children or had kids-free hours. And if I ever could afford first class plane tickets, I wouldn't want to listen to a crying baby either. I'm not surprised at all with this trend. Most of the generation now raising children grew up with a feeling of entitlement and a lack of discipline. I think children in general are more out of control today and I don't see it changing any time soon.
Many people have wrote about the banning trend, but what I think is most telling are the comments. Some are kind, but most make me cringe because people are so judgmental. This is what disturbs me the most. Our society seems so quick to judge (on a myriad of issues) when they have no idea what is really going on.
I am a parent of a developmentally delayed child. No matter how hard I try, how good I am at consistent discipline or how many hours I log with professional help, my child will not behave like an angel in public, or even in our own home. When I see comments like the ones below, it makes it even harder to take my child out and subject ourselves to such scrutiny.
Frankly, I could care less if privately-owned establishments banned children or had kids-free hours. And if I ever could afford first class plane tickets, I wouldn't want to listen to a crying baby either. I'm not surprised at all with this trend. Most of the generation now raising children grew up with a feeling of entitlement and a lack of discipline. I think children in general are more out of control today and I don't see it changing any time soon.
Many people have wrote about the banning trend, but what I think is most telling are the comments. Some are kind, but most make me cringe because people are so judgmental. This is what disturbs me the most. Our society seems so quick to judge (on a myriad of issues) when they have no idea what is really going on.
I am a parent of a developmentally delayed child. No matter how hard I try, how good I am at consistent discipline or how many hours I log with professional help, my child will not behave like an angel in public, or even in our own home. When I see comments like the ones below, it makes it even harder to take my child out and subject ourselves to such scrutiny.
It's not the kids fault, it's their parents. My three daughters as toddlers were perfectly behaved in public, because their mother and I wouldn't have it any other way.I don't read the comments in the articles anymore. It's too depressing knowing that I was right and they way my child behaves, regardless of circumstance, is how I am judged by society. I know that most people are maddened by the parents who do nothing to curb their wild kids and rightly so, but wouldn't it be nice if we could just suspend all judgments? (I heard that snort.) Maybe those parents never had discipline themselves. Maybe she's a single mom simply trying to sane and not beat her kids. I'm not here to make excuses, I just want to express another point of view of a mom who would love to have a kid who behaved well enough to even consider taking him to a fancy restaurant.
It's not necessarily the age, but how they are brought up. If they get away with it at home, they most likely will be the same out.
Parents are to blame on this issue. If kids can't behave then yes don't take them out. I have 5 children and they knew how to behave properly at all times.
It's a parent issue (in not teaching their children more constructive ways of communicating their wants and needs).
If I can teach my giant pit-bull to behave outside, why not a 2 or 3 year old. [Me- raising a kid would be much easier if it were acceptable to smack him on the nose with a newspaper, lock him outside or put him on a chain in the yard. The latter is very tempting at times.]
As always, I try to find the humor in things. The following comment made me laugh: There was a breakfast place in town years ago that had a sign that read..."We gladly serve children. Please give advance notice due to the long time needed to prepare."
6 comments:
I try to be good about not looking or else being sympathetic when kids have meltdowns. I don't know if it is better for the mom to not feel my scrutiny or for me to give a smile. I will say what bothers me is when I see parents not shielding their children from danger. That is a responsibility regardless and it fills me with anxiety when I worry that I will somehow have to save a kid from themselves because parents are too busy yakking. We were at a community fireworks event and there were these kids running out into the middle of where people were lighting and throwing fireworks. Several parents just handed their kids lighters. Sometimes when fireworks didn't go off the kid would just stand there poking at it with a match. It was kind of horrifying to watch. I have much less of a problem with the behavior of small children, who probably have some extenuating circumstance, than I do with parents who seem oblivious to the possibility of serious harm. Same with kids not wearing lifejackets who are obviously too young to swim yet are allowed to play in lakes without a parent on hand etc. GAAAAAHH
And that is my rant.
For me, having someone else smile at me (and maybe a shoulder shrug)is the best. I know that it is impossible for people not to hear or notice my son when he's having a meltdown, so while ignoring is probably polite, it sure doesn't make me feel any better. Not that I expect people to try to make me feel better, but if you want to help, then a smile is awesome.
Oh Lauren-once again, an incredible post :) I loved your point of view, and you made some great points. I hope a lot of people have an opportunity to hear about parents like you who are doing everything they can, and it sometimes feels to no avail. Two of my younger siblings are developmentally challenged-and I can't imagine how my parents would have felt if they had felt judged, on TOP of having to be a super-parent in having extraordinary patience and love...I think you're doing a great job :)
Thanks for writing about this. I hate the judgmental attitude and comments, also. People don't see all the details about what's really going on. Sometimes he is tired. Sometimes he is hungry. Sometimes (big surprise here) he just happens to have his own ideas and opinions and doesn't feel like being obedient. My kid isn't developmentally delayed. He IS a very energetic and strong-willed toddler BOY. It's maddening to realize that people think we control our children, when in reality they are their own little people. We can only do our best to teach them, and then hope that they eventually learn.
I find that most people are quite understanding about public tantrums. It's still so very embarrassing. I'll do my best to take Gunner out in public when he isn't tired or hungry, and I'll try to set him up for success. Sometimes it just doesn't work, for any number of reasons. I figure that the people who have a problem with it can just stay away from me. I'll try to stay away from them, too. Unless they complain about it, and then I'll take my kid and go sit down right by them.
You're doing a great job with your boys.
eesh. judgements. Funny how we judge when we "FEEL" like we do such a good job. I'll bet 1/2 those people that made those comments just remember those kids as they wanted them to be. Not how they actually were...and there I go, adding judgement! the circles we talk ourselves through.
I haven't really had anything terrible said to me yet....and I'm kind of surprised because Delson ALWAYS misbehaves in public, but I agree with you that people just don't know all the details and they shouldn't judge when they just don't know. People just speak too soon and don't think about what they are going to say anymore. It's too bad.
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