Is there anything in here asking for my firstborn child?

I think I might be responsible for the clear cutting of a small forest, judging from the huge amounts of paperwork it takes to buy a house.  And we still haven't seen the huge stack that comes with the signing of an actual mortgage.  The preliminary title report came in the mail today and it was about half a ream of paper.  It had all sorts of random things in it, including a list of riparian zone plants, specifically about 20 types of ferns.  I can't figure out if this means we can only plant certain types of plants, or if that is the list of species totally wiped out by the urban wetland development.

There is so much to sign and most of it doesn't make a lot of sense.  I can only hope that there isn't some sort of fine print in there that I have to give up my first born child in the event of a loan default.  Of course, some days that actually might be a nice idea...

My brain has been expanding nicely as I learn new terminology every week.  FHA versus conventional loans, escrow companies, RLID, title companies, the difference between appraisals and inspections and what 'nail-pops' and pony walls are.  I'm learning about tonnage in relation to air conditioning units, heat pumps versus forced air and the proper way for a microwave to vent.  It has been quite the learning experience for me.

Now I just want the next thirty days to whirl by so that we can move into our home!  If only I had a fairy godmother to wave her wand and pack and unpack all this stuff for me...