Life is Good

Another celebrity has recently gone public about refusing to vaccinate her children due to concerns about Autism.  I'm not going to talk about the science involved, or the statistical information, or even the resurgence of diseases like measles that were eradicated in our country but are now making a comeback.  What I want to write about is a side effect of the debate that no one talks about: vilifying Autism.  If you choose not to vaccinate your child because you fear s/he may "get" Autism, it says to me that you fear ASD more than polio, rubella, hepatitis, measles, diphtheria and other potentially life-threatening yet preventable diseases.

(Side note here, if you choose not to vaccinate your children I'm not going to go around declaring you an unfit parent.  The point of this post is to try and dispel the fear that people have on what their life might be like if their child was diagnosed with ASD.  You are free to make any lifestyle choice you like, I'm just putting another point of view out there for your consideration.)

Part of that attitude can be blamed on the powerful group Autism Speaks.  Fear mongering is a great way to raise money.  Take for example this truly saddening 'call for action' from Autism Speaks co-founder Suzanne Wright from a few months ago.  Here are a few excerpts:

"This is autism.  Life is lived moment-to-moment.  In anticipation of the child’s next move.  In despair.  In fear of the future."

"These families are not living."

"And, what about their parents? How much can we ask them to handle? How long will it be before the exhaustion makes them ill?  How long before they break?"

I'm sure Ms. Wright had the best of intentions.  Autism Speaks does some good things for the ASD community.  But if that rhetoric is the only side of the story that's being told, no wonder people are terrified of their kids "getting" Autism.

It's part of human nature to complain when things get bad.  I know I'm guilty of FB posts that spill out the details of an awful day in order to get some sympathy and solidarity that I'm not alone in my struggles.  But I hope that for every "life is hard" post, that I have double the amount of "life is awesome" posts and "look how far we've come" posts.  Everyone that I am friends with knows that Josh has ASD.  Part of the reason why I post a lot is because I want people to see that life with a child with ASD isn't too much different than anyone else's parenting journey.  Statistically it stands to reason that at least one or two of my friends will end up on this journey with one of their children.  When they reach that moment when a professional says "your child has Autism" I hope they will think, "Hey, I know a family with a kid with Autism.  They look like they're doing pretty good, so maybe this isn't a doom and gloom life sentence for our family."

We do not live in fear in this house.  Autism has undeniably changed our journey, but it hasn't been a change for the worse.  In some ways, I believe it has made me a better person.  In the spirit of casting out fear, here are some reasons why I LOVE having a child with Autism.

1.  Milestones are celebrated with enthusiasm, since most of them are delayed.  From the first "I love you" to the first time Josh buttoned up his church shirt, the little things that I take for granted are appreciated much more.

2.  Josh loves rules.  He has never climbed furniture, grabbed a knife or gotten into my bathroom stuff.  Once you set a rule, he'll follow it.  I had to take baby proofing to a whole new level with my subsequent boys because Josh never got into things.

3.  Everyone is his friend.  One of my favorite memories is of us in our upstairs playroom and Josh saw a group of older kids walking outside on their way home from school.  He yelled out the window "Hello friends!"  I'm sure the kids were wondering where this tiny voice from above calling to them was coming from.  There isn't a kid on the playground that he won't play with.

4.  Routines are easy to establish and maintain.  Bedtime has always been a breeze because Josh thrives on predictability and consistency.

5.  There is nothing false about him.  He never lies and the only attempts at deception are sneaking to eat a cracker in a hiding place.  But if you ask him, he'll tell you exactly what he's doing.  He never attempts to manipulate and is totally without guile.

6.  It is the easiest thing in the world to get him to laugh.  Of all the passions that bubble beneath his surface, pure enjoyment is my favorite.  And due to his love of repetition, once you do something to make him laugh you can do it over and over again and he will continue to crack up.

I realize that we're lucky that Josh is pretty high functioning, but of all the parents in the classes and support groups that I attend, very few of us are parents of children that will likely need permanent care for their entire lives.  I'd say we're typical of families who have access to early intervention and stability in the home.  We're living a good life.  No one need wonder when or if I'll snap.  I am not living in despair.  I rejoice because life is pretty dang good.  I have three beautiful, healthy boys.  Their growth and development is wonderful to observe.  They give me kisses and hugs and delight in showing me a bug or a block tower.

This is what life with Autism can be, and it's glorious.