Things have been pretty rough here this week. If you read my last post, you saw that Josh's new thing is to start screaming when Ben cries. Or even starts to whimper. It began the week that we moved and isn't showing any signs of letting up yet. It isn't his normal high-pitched 'pierce your ears' screaming, but a deep, wrenching bellow from his gut. It's accompanied by him yelling "oh no Ben" over and over and over again. The screaming makes Ben cry (or cry harder/louder) which makes Josh scream even more, along with throwing himself on the floor and flailing about like a landed fish.
Can I say right now how happy I am not to share walls with anyone any more?
Between his normal therapist being gone with family issues, the Thanksgiving break and missing school with the flu, I haven't been able to really get any good communication with his teacher on what we can do to stop this. When it started right at the move we decided to just give him lots of physical love and reassurance in the hopes that it would be a short-term problem.
Four weeks later the behavior hasn't gone away or even lessened. Now a new wrench has been thrown in to the system. For the past three days the boys have woken up at 6am (normal time is 7:30), and they've woken up ANGRY. As in screaming at each other, kicking walls and trying to break down the door angry. This has thrown our entire daily schedule off whack, which for an ASD kid is a big deal.
The worst part of this is that apparently I turn into a very grumpy mama bear when my kids wake me up with unending screaming early in the morning. No, that's putting it too nicely. It makes me angry. Then all of us are upset (David says a guilty "goodbye" and rushes out the door) and therefore the last three days have just been bad all day long.
I'm working on trying to find a solution to the early wake up problem. I fed the boys an extra snack late in the evening to combat waking up hungry. We gave (and then took away) an extra night light. Tonight I'm going to take out all the toys that make noise. If that doesn't work, then we'll move Ben to another room for sleeping.
In light of all that, I took the boys out shopping today. I really had no choice since the store has very limited hours and if I didn't take the boys then there would be no way for me to get my shopping done before Christmas. I used every trick in my book. Josh sat in the stroller with the itouch filled with games. I wore Ben so that my arms could still be free and he would be happy since he loves being held. It was still a big mess. I didn't cry, but I wanted to. Josh wasn't happy with any of the games. He kept trying to get out of the stroller. He ate all the snacks I had and wanted more. (And we were only in the shop for less than 20 minutes.) Ben kept trying to wriggle out of the wrap and was fussing because he wanted the itouch Josh was playing with. I hastily got a few items (sorry Mom if you don't really like your Christmas presents, but I got to the point where I just grabbed a few items and left) and waited far too long in line. (Christmas memo to you other shoppers out there, if there is a mom behind you trying everything to keep her kid from screaming, while wearing a 27lb baby and holding breakable items, please, please let them cut in front of you in line so she can get out of there fast. It will save all of you from having to listen to the wailing.)
When I finally got the boys home, everything got worse, if you can imagine. Josh started in with the repetitive roaring, slamming himself into me. I tried to go upstairs, but he climbed over the baby gate and followed me. Finally, at my wits' end, I strapped him into his car seat and left him in the car in the garage. Please note I was right on the other side of the door so I could clearly hear him, but I had to put him somewhere were he couldn't hurt himself, me, or the house. The car was shaking as he slammed his head and body back and forth and kicked the seat. After about five minutes of this, I could tell he was starting to calm down and I got him out of the car. He was shaking and wouldn't move until I picked him up and held him.
We went up to his room and I just sat on the floor and held him for a very long time. I was totally depressed over the whole situation. I was despairing that I'd never be able to take him anywhere. But as I sat there, inspiration was sent to my mind. Not how to fix things, but understanding and empathy for my child. I realized that Josh mentally isn't able to control his reactions. That it scares and upsets him to get so angry so quickly. That's why, even when he's screaming and throwing himself around, he'll be begging for us to hug him. It's like he thinks that if only mommy or daddy will hold him, the bad feelings that come over him will go away and make him free.
It was a tender mercy for those thoughts to come into my mind. I was given comfort that we will make it through this trial. Instead of feeling depressed, I felt re-energized that I will make it through the day. Instead of wallowing in a "why me?" funk, I made myself a cup of cocoa, started my annual between Thanksgiving and Christmas book (Winter Solstice, in case you're curious) and told myself that it will be a new start after nap time. Will the boys still be cranky? Probably. I can't change that, but I can change my own attitude and try to be a happier momma, even when it feels like all hell has broken loose around me.
It's been a battle around here lately, but I am determined to come out victorious.
2 comments:
Oh gosh, what a day. I try to always let parents of fussers cut, especially if it is just me they would cut in front of. I'm glad you had an epiphany. How scary, to be a kid and not understand or be able to communicate entirely what you want how you want.
I had a rough day with James today, too, and I couldn't wait for bed time! Sorry it was such a rough one. Kuddos to you for taking the boys out shopping. It sounds like you did everything right, even though it didn't turn out the way you had hoped. I'm sure it will get better in time.
I often think of how little control our small kids have over their lives, and of how frustrating it would be to want something so badly, and not to be able to have it/get it/communicate it, etc. It's such a blessing to be able to think about thinks from the perspective of our children. It certainly makes me stop and think, and try to have more compassion and empathy for them. Thank you for sharing your inspiration with us!
Post a Comment