Just when I thought I had this whole "I'm at peace with my decisions as a mother" thing figured out, up comes a whole new issue that I never even thought would be an issue.
Preschool.
Looking at the various Facebook posts of friends contemplating or actively looking for a preschool program for their kids, this is another one of those topics that elicit strong responses from mothers. (And for clarity of discussion, I'm not referring to those who need day care, but instead those of us who are SAHM's with a choice to keep our kids home or send them to preschool.)
It wasn't ever a discussion in my mind that I wouldn't send Josh to preschool. Of course this is heavily influenced by the fact that Josh has ASD and that the state will be paying for preschool for the next two years. So I guess I was kind of surprised to see the number of mothers who said that (and I am assuming this choice is regardless of cost, which might be a wrong assumption) they wouldn't send their kids to preschool. The most common reasoning for this is that "they're only little for a short time and I want to keep them with me at home." I presume that there is the idea that something will be missed if the child is being educated outside of the home.
And I realize as I write this how it's totally one of those upper middle class 'problems.' I'm sure there are lots of families out there who wish they had the option to make a decision like this. I hope I am not offending any of you by making this issue seem bigger than it is. It's just been on my mind.
I've been excited about 'shopping' for preschools with Josh, but now the little devil on my shoulder is whispering "why aren't you worried about sending your son away from you?" "it must mean you don't want him at home, so therefore you must not love him as much as those other mothers love their kids." "isn't nurturing your child at home the best thing for him, versus farming him out to others?" "if you organized play dates and your own preschool group you could keep him at home with you, isn't that better then sending him off with strangers?" "you must be a lazy mother."
Good thing I have an excellent slingshot to smack that little devil off my shoulder and tell him that his ideas are rubbish.
Because sleeping next to a tax professional must be causing some sort of math-loving osmosis, I calculated what percentage of time my child would actually be away from me during preschool.
Number of hours child will spend in preschool per week: 4-9. The shortest preschool I've investigated for Josh is 2 hours twice weekly; the longest is 3 hours thrice weekly. (Is that an appropriate use of the word thrice? If not, forgive me.)
Number of waking, interactive hours in the week: 91. Josh sleeps for 11 hours a night.
For the 2/wk scenario, Josh would spend 4 hours at school and 87 hours with his family - 5%
For the 3/wk scenario, Josh would spend 9 hours at school and 82 hours with family - 11%
By looking at the actual numbers, I felt justified in my feelings that Josh spending 5-11% of his waking hours at school will not be detrimental to the time we have together as a family. I don't think I'm going to miss out on his childhood by putting him a preschool program. I have seen the tangible results of Josh going to school this year and I want him to continue to grow in ways I simply can't provide. I could arrange a rotating preschool group with other mothers and come up with enriching activities to stimulate their little brains, but I don't think I could mimic the classroom environment that I want to prepare Josh for. Plus with a new baby on the way, I just don't have the time nor the inclination to do so.
So once again the guilt that somehow I was messing up or wasn't being a good mother has been knocked aside. Lauren 1, shoulder devil 0.
5 comments:
I fully support you, Lauren! I absolutely love my time with Grace. However, the time she spends at daycare (or preschool, in your case) is good for the purposes for which it was intended. I really hate the unspoken guilt trips people give about how you decide what you'll do with your own kids. It's your decision. If you want ideas on what might make for a good preschool in terms of readiness for kindergarten, I'd be happy to help. But the decision to do or not do pre-school just has to be whatever you feel is best.
I'm sorry if I caused you grief Lauren. Oh Facebook. I saw your post about preschool(among several others) and was feeling *pressure* that to be a good mom I ought to be putting Juliet in preschool also, so then I posted and found reassurance that then apparently had the opposite affect on you. You have to do what you feel right about, thats all you can do. I love your sense of humor, your posts are always enjoyable to read.
Oh, you didn't Carina. I just all of a sudden felt that something must be wrong for wanting to not have my kid at home. Funny how the adversary take take essentially the same situation and try to make us feel guilty or inadequate in totally different ways. Sneaky fellow, he is.
Bah. I am fully aware of the people that think sending kids to preschool is taking time away from thier family. And because not a soul but you Lauren, who agrees with me, knows me on your blog? I fully intend to bash those people's heads together. What utter rubbish. I can't really afford to send my kid to preschool. But I have come up with increasingly interesting ways to ensure that she is there...in a classroom environment...where she learns to finish projects, READ...that's right...my three year old READS, finish projects (I know I've said this twice, but have you noticed the coloring projects that don't get completed, or the tracing letters that don't get finished, etc? It is a skill...and one that must be learned/taught), and then even more importantly---exist outside of my circle that is smothering her and not allowing her the ability to grow and make decisions that I'm stepping on because I know what's best for her and then I don't let her decide or help her know it's okay to make decisions even if the outcome isn't a great one. I am so GRATEFUL to preschools. Long live preschools. And mothers who don't know how to let go??? you'll be paying the price in their teens. Good luck. And now that I've offended all of your readers, I sign off. And hope that if you disagree too much, Lauren, you just delete my message and I will never know ;)
Nick says: isn't it good to get over the "homeschool" effect sooner rather than later?
Post a Comment